To Be the Light [You Never Know]

The other day someone said to me, "I've never known someone who even considered suicide, nevermind someone who attempted suicide." She was shocked when I replied, "Yes, you have. You know me."

I know all too well the desolate mire of abject hopelessness that sucks your soul into utter, viscous darkness from which, it whispers, there is no escape. For me, the first time...and the second ... suicide wasn't an escape. When I was in that place, I was sure I would remain there for eternity, including in death. I was, after all, already in hell. Suicide was a way to save everyone else from me - the one thing I could do so that I could stop hurting everyone I loved. Reason couldn't reach me there. Consumed by darkness, I forgot the existence of light.

I was blessed to have light-bringers in my life who shined their love - and God's love - into my darkness, urging my reluctant mind and spirit toward healing. Friends and family and even strangers  showed patience with me as I searched for another way out of my bleak existence. Without these people in my life, I doubt I would still be living.

You never know what someone has been through or is going through. A kind word or gesture ... or even just a smile ... may change the course of a person's life. Simple things, small gestures, and loving arms saved mine.

Be the light.


Today, I intend...

... to have patience even when I'm not feeling patient.

... to smile and offer a kind word to those around me.

... to reach out to people who have been on my mind and in my heart lately and let them know they are loved.

... to be gentle with myself as I try to lift the weight of depression from my own shoulders.