Too Much

It's all been too much lately. Everything.

Having to put off my Remicade infusion - that magical elixir that keeps my psoriatic arthritis in check - for a week due to snow; autoimmune system gone haywire - too much for my body to handle.

A wonderful snow day with my family, full of house cleaning and organization, and laughter and cuddles and making memories - too much, my heart overflows.

Housework, home repairs, cleaning, reorganizing, decluttering, making this house feel more open as the walls seem to be closing in during this long, gray, cold Winter - too much work.

Working as a family to create a beautiful space; brainstorming together remedies for Winter blues - too much amazing working togetherness to wrap my mind around.

Tax refund joy mixed with, whoa, wait, the money is gone already with home repair and appliance replacement needs and new tires and health improvement items not covered by insurance - too much to fix and to buy and not enough money to go around.

That we can fix things in desperate need of fixing, give children more space, and give me peace of mind - too much gratitude to be contained.

Dietary changes for two of us, restricting our already restricted diet, creating more expense and more work for my malfunctioning body - too much.

Feeling better in my body, healthier, more energetic, and finally losing weight again - too much good is coming from this change in eating habits to turn back now. 

My voice, gone. At least two days a week, I can barely speak and my once-soprano voice can barely squeak out alto. The first available appointment with the specialist, in April. Too much time to wait.

Listening to my daughter sing, my heart rejoices. That I can sing even a bit of this Lenten music makes my spirit soar. The beauty of my daughter's voice. the music, and the lyrics are too much to be explained in mere words.

Life, lately, has been too much - but there is a balance there that helps me appreciate the blessings more and worry about the struggles less. The secret is to find too much gratitude and joy to balance out too much stress and struggle.