Notes to Self

• Do not let the small girly child wear a shirt that snaps up the front to church. She will spend half of worship unsnapping the shirt and resnapping it in interesting configurations, some involving the snaps on the chest pockets and shoulders. She may also announce, really loudly, that the snaps on the chest pockets feel like her nipples only much harder.

• Try not to agree to let children paint and then accidentally fall asleep immediately afterwards.

• Avoid posting about increasing chest pain on facebook without first explaining that it's psoriatic arthritis-related and not a heart issue.

• When you tell the kids you'll take them to Gramma and Papa's house in the afternoon, some of them will expect to leave the house at 12:01 pm and will ask you every three and a half minutes afterwards if it's time to go yet.

• Never underestimate the power of a nap. It can transform both a cranky child and a cranky parent. 

• If your husband explains the importance of being able to deal with spiders on your own without having Daddy help to the five year old - immediately before bed - by explaining to her that should she not learn how to deal with spiders she's going to suffer a lifetime of spiders crawling in her hair and her armpits and, and, and ... expect said five year old to have difficulty sleeping. For days. 

• When you put something somewhere "safe" where you "won't lose it," also make a record in writing/text of that safe place so you can remember where the heck it is later.

• You can make all the plans you want, but when it comes down to it, your body's behavior and your children's moods will dictate what actually gets done.

• After a night of no sleep, make sure you have plenty of caffeine for yourself and lots of craft projects for the kids readily available.

• Telling the children that any question they ask when you are on the phone will be answered with a "no" will not make them stop asking you questions when you're on the phone, it will merely encourage them to come up with questions that when answered "no" get them what they want. 

And last but not least ... you chose to have five kids, which means you chose to live in this insane asylum. Remember that the next time you're standing in the middle of the sheer chaos that this household can become. And remember how much you love every minute of it.