Friday, September 30, 2016
"I am so OCD about that!"
"That really sets off my OCD tendencies!"
"I have OCD when it comes to that!"
People put on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as if it were an accessory to certain situations, not a mental illness. If you have OCD, as I do, I don't mind if you make such a comment. If you don't, please stop the casual use of a very serious condition.
People can be obsessive or compulsive about things without having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD is life-altering, interfering with one's function in everyday life - every single day. Some are hospitalized because of OCD, until they get their meds and/or behaviors under control. OCD looks different for different people.
My OCD manifests in several ways. I compulsively count things - sounds, tiles, patterns, steps, stairs, words. It was nearly impossible for me to get through eating a bowl of Cheerios when I was little without them getting completely soggy, because I'd have to count the top layer of Cheerios in the bowl before each bite. In third grade, my desk was right next to the door, over which hung a clock. I literally counted every second of time sitting at the desk all of third grade to the ticking of that clock. I used to be able to tell you how many tiles were in my grandmother's bathroom, how many ceiling tiles were in each patient room at my pediatrician's office, and how many stairs were in any staircase in any building I frequented. I still count things, but can usually reign my brain in and not drive myself (quite literally) crazy counting everything. On bad days, though, I count every mouse click my husband makes while I'm trying to fall asleep.
I also obsess over the worst case scenario of just about everything. This made learning to drive incredibly nerve-wracking, but did prepare me for any incident or accident. It's especially challenging in parenting, and in marriage. Heaven forbid my husband is thirty seconds late for work - I can go from looking forward to his arrival to panic that he's been in an accident in a split second. If my child says they need to talk to me about something, I imagine the extreme worse and can't stop the stream of what-ifs from consuming me, when all they need to tell me is that they would like their own room or that they want to dye their hair a different color. I sometimes can't sleep nights, my brain making up crazy and disturbing scenarios associated with loved ones.
My youngest child has OCD. It's been evident since she was around 11 months old sitting next to a friend at a restaurant. Said friend moved Alia's placemat a half inch to the left to give herself more room. Alia moved it back. I took Alia to the bathroom. Upon our return, I put Alia in her highchair and she immediately moved her placemat back to the place it had been before my friend moved it when we were in the restroom. Nothing can be out of place if Alia thinks it was in the right place. You also can't do anything for her that she has her mind on doing - she'll undo whatever you did and redo it herself. Throughout her first six years of life, she could not wear matching socks. I would actively have to seek out a different sock, should I pull out a matching pair. She has to finish a song she starts singing or listening to, in its entirety, or it plays over and over in her head, sometimes for days, until she is able to finish it...and not in an annoying, I-have-a-song-stuck-in-my-head way, but in an I-can't-sleep-or-think-or-function kind of way.
An amazing young man I know and I had a heart to heart about living with OCD earlier this year. His struggle with OCD is sometimes greater than his ability to cope and he needs to know that that's nothing about which to be ashamed, and that it isn't and shouldn't be a joking matter. He also doesn't need to hear his intense experience being made light of on a daily basis.
You can be depressed without having clinical depression. You can have mood swings without being bipolar. You can be particular about something or have a way you need to do something without having OCD. So please, if you are very particular about something and don't have OCD, simply state that you're very particular about it. OCD isn't an occasional happening. It can be life-crushing for those of us living with it.
Monday, September 26, 2016
I'm still trying to process everything.
Upon arrival, we delved right into it all. Sixty-eight people getting to know each other a bit while doing their best to absorb an incredible amount of information and trying not to be distracted by the beauty of the lake on the other side of the windows. Evening prayer ended our time together until the next day.
That first night, we went to bed after just a taste of what was to come. Falling asleep to the sound of waves lapping the shores of Lake Ossipee, I was excited for the day ahead.
Waking at 4:30AM and unable to get back to sleep, I lay awake praying about the day ahead and many other things. As the sun hinted its appearance, I made my way outside to take in the glory of a Lake Ossipee sunrise. The magnificence of the unfolding dawn anticipated the richness of the day to come.
Briefly retreating from the chilly morning air to slip on some socks and wrap myself in a blanket, I returned to my Adirondack chair perch and some wonderful conversation with fellow early risers.
Walking to breakfast, a bit of anxiety grew about the tasks ahead. Would I find this all too challenging considering my health issues and memory problems? Would I be able to find a study group to join that would work with my schedule? Was I taking on too much?
Sitting down at a big round table for breakfast, my friend Suzanne and I introduced ourselves to the others dining with us. The usual where-are-you-froms and what-church-do-you-attends led us to find that we were all from the same basic geographical area, close enough to perhaps form a study group. We shared a meal and great conversation and planned to talk more that evening.
Weeks later, I'm still trying to process the rest of the day, which consisted of morning prayer, learning sessions, bathroom breaks, lunch, more learning, some getting to know the people at our tables, more learning, and a break before dinner. During that break, we signed up as a group with our friends from breakfast. No more worries about that aspect of being a student in the New England Synod School of Lay Ministry!
Sitting aboard the pontoon boat, my mind reeled with the beauty of the people with whom I had spent the last twenty-four hours, of the water and surroundings, and of the shared faith which brought us all together to expand our understanding.
Dinner was followed by yet another opportunity to learn and share with each other. Evening Prayer closed the day for some, while others made our way to a campfire by the Conference Center, where stories and laughter abounded. I sank into bed that night thoroughly exhausted in the best possible way.
Rain greeted us on our final morning at Camp Calumet. Just one more conversation-filled breakfast, a final wrap-up session, and we were on our way to worship and then home. As I drove, I found it difficult to converse, so many reflections on the past forty-eight hours sparking in my head. I gave thanks for the weekend, the place, the people, and for this opportunity to grow in knowledge and in faith.
My heart is on fire for the year of Biblical study that awaits during my first year of the School!
Saturday, September 17, 2016
I say it every time.
Even after preparing myself for months ahead of time to lessen the shock.
Somehow there is nothing that prepares me for any of my children turning yet another year older.
Coren turns eleven today. I'm not quite sure how it happened. I don't know where the time went. I can barely wrap my mind around that number associated with the Moondragon himself. Six, maybe, but eleven???
That said, he is most definitely eleven.
Do you know how I can tell? Some of the adorableness is being replaced by maturity and handsomeness. Coren has grown up a lot in the past year, presenting himself in a more tween than childlike manner. I have to admit it freaks me out a bit. He still loves to cuddle, though, so I'll take what I can get!
Coren made great strides this year. Perhaps the biggest is surviving a week at Camp Calumet Resident Camp this past Summer. He made it through without showering ... well, except for the infamous Camp Calumet "Car-wash" which involved shampoo and a hose or two. He sent the most wonderful notes, keeping us updated on the ups and downs of camp life. And he decided he wants to do it all again next year.
To my still adorable, but not quite as much Moondragon on your birthday...
Camp is great so far. I may have gotten hit in the face a few times, but I'm ok. I may also have been joking about the getting hit in the face thing, but thought I'd include it since that was in your first note to me and Daddy this Summer! Everything has been fun so far. The food is awesome as always (but I'm not here for grilled cheese Monday!). I hope you have a very happy birthday and don't stay up too late partying! I love you!
Monday, September 12, 2016
'Tis the season for questions and concerns, mostly from well-meaning strangers.
What amazes me is that, of all the concerns people express about unschooling (life-learning), the top four perceived problems have nothing to do with learning school subject matter.
Concern #1: Socialization
How will my children ever learn how to socialize if they don't spend 6-8 hours a day or more for 12+ years with children within six months to a year of their age?
I could ask how children who spend most of their time on weekdays in school and in after-school programs, sports, and other activities with others their age and with all adults as authority figures manage to learn to function in a world where you spend most of your time with people who are not your age and where your boss, a police officer, or other authority figure could potentially be younger than you.
Concern #2: Fitting In to Society
How can unschooled children learn societal rules and how to fit into society if they are not in a traditional school environment like the majority of students...who make up the majority of society?
I could ask how a school society, with its cliques, bullying, dress codes, need to wear certain clothes or shoes or have the latest electronics, etc. prepares children to fit into adult society. And if we want those things carried over into adult society.
I could argue that unschooled children, being out and about in the real world, learn to navigate the ever-changing society well because they're experiencing it, immersed in it, daily. I love that my children are able to make their own decisions about whether they want to conform to societal pressures, or perhaps do something different, and perhaps better for our society. Some of the most successful people in the world started out as societal misfits...or are still societal misfits. Fitting in is overrated.
Concern #3: Relating to the Real World
This one usually isn't in the form of a question, but rather a statement. Unschooled children can't possibly learn to relate to others or function in the real world in the same way traditionally schooled children can.
I won't argue with that. They don't relate to the world in the same way that schooled children do because they're not indoctrinated into school culture.
Our children interact with a vast array of people on a daily basis: parents, grandparents, friends, pastors, atheists, EMTs, cashiers, curators, volunteers, babies, elderly people, Christians, Jews, Muslims, UPS drivers, neighbors, school kids, homeschooled kids, homeless people, rich people..and many complete strangers who ask them why they're not in school, just to name a few. They have freedoms of time, choice, and travel that schooled children don't. They don't have many of the pressures that schooled children do. They have some pressures schooled children don't. And they're encouraged to ask why and to not blindly follow what others are doing, wearing, listening to, or how they're acting.
I do admit, there are things to which they can't relate. They can't relate to sitting in a classroom for six hours a day; to not being able to make the majority of their own choices for a good portion of their young lives; to asking permission to go to the bathroom; or to not being able to discover something about which they want to learn more and then heading to a library, museum, science center, or their own back yard to learn more at a moment's notice.
I would think learning to live in the real world has more to do with interacting with it than studying it in a classroom.
Concern #4: What About Prom?
There is Homeschool Prom. Really.
After these concerns come the concerns about what my children are learning.
I've had many people ask each of the following:
- How will they learn to stand in line? I didn't know this was a huge deal, or something learned in school. We've been to Disney World, amusement parks, and the grocery store. I think we have that one covered.
- How will they learn to take tests? My children love testing their knowledge! They take tests for fun - to see what they have learned. To them, it's a game, not an anxiety-riddled task as it is to many.
- How do you know they're learning enough? I admit, I have a yearly freak-out over whether my children are learning enough. Then a friend, family member, museum curator, or member of our community has a conversation with one or more of my children and tells me how impressed they are by not just the information my children have stored in their brains, but the knowledge they've gained through combining said information with experiences they've had. They get to learn at their own pace and study what captures their interest, which has the huge benefit of retaining much of what they've learned. Many students who have to learn about something because that's what the textbook chapter is about don't retain that information and, without real world experience to reinforce what they've learned, don't filter the information through experience in order to transform it into knowledge.
And my children know how to cook, clean, shop for groceries and find the best price per pound, assist with home repairs and improvements, care for babies and toddlers (yes, they change diapers!), and so much more as a result of living and learning through unschooling.
- What about college? If they want to attend college, they can attend college. We, however, don't expect them to attend college at any specific age, if at all. I know too many people who went to college fresh out of high school because they felt like that was what was expected of them and now have a lot of debt and aren't using their degree at all. I'd rather my children put their money to good use and know what they want to do with their degree before they get it.
Unschooling, to me, is giving my children the resources and the ability to learn whatever it is they want to learn, taking advantage of teachable moments (and hours, and weeks, and months) and nurturing in them the self-confidence to follow their passions. My hope is that they are able to discover for themselves what path they want to take in life and are able to make a living doing what they love.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Some places just feel like home.
After a little over two months away from one of our most favorite places on Earth, it felt as if we arrived home as we pulled into the parking lot. Greeted with smiles and hugs from beautiful people added to that cozy, exhilarating homey vibe that is Epoch Arts.
Today and for the next couple days, we're helping with Epoch Arts' Annual Tag Sale. The amount of stuff they have to offer, both indoors and out, is nearly unfathomable. As we sorted, bagged, folded, and set out items for sale, it was clear the colossal amount of work that had already been accomplished. This is no small undertaking.
It is my hope that wherever we end up in life, that we always be a part of communities as welcoming, loving, and comforting as Epoch Arts and Camp Calumet are to us now - and that we can be that community to others.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
It doesn't happen often, thankfully, but some days I'm just completely overwhelmed by it all...in an If You Give a Mouse a Cookie kind of way.
My husband's car, that has been fixed twice ...or was it three times ... in the past three weeks, is having issues again. Different issues than before.. This leaves me without my van all day, as my husband had to drive it to work. This means the donations in the van won't make it to their destination today and I won't be able to load the van for tomorrow.
If tomorrow's plans even happen. We're supposed to go to Six Flags (for an amazing $14 a person thanks to a reading program and online discounts). At the moment two of my children are coughing and generally not feeling well. It seems they're on the mend, but I'm not sure if they'll be well enough by tomorrow.
Or if I'll be well enough by tomorrow. I had my Cimzia injection yesterday and could very well get this bad cold from my children. I also cut my finger, and in the process banged my hand thereby causing issues with my thumb. Not being able to grasp things and in bad pain when moving my thumb, crutches will most likely be out of the question tomorrow, which means I'll need my wheelchair due to my current knee and Achilles tendon issues.
And to fit the wheelchair in the van, I'll need to take the donations out, which I can't do with a bad hand and knee and tendon because they're heavy boxes of books.
If I can't get the donations out, I also can't put the bin of towels we'll need in the van with my wheelchair. Not that I have the van, anyway.
Without the van, I also can't go to the store to get last-minute food items for our day out tomorrow,
If our day out even happens.
Up at 4 with a child with a nightmare and 5:20 with a child with a nosebleed on top of it all, I just want to go to back to bed, curl up under a comfy blanket, and take a nap. But alas, I have coughing children to tend to and should really get dinner going in the crockpot before I forget about it.
And besides, I have plenty for which to be thankful - the medicine that will hopefully greatly improve my health, that we have a second vehicle and my husband has a job, that my children are rarely sick, that we have food in the house, and that we have the opportunity to go to Six Flags.